| I doubt it |
[30 May 2007|05:07am] |
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I don't think I can keep this putting on a smile bullshit when I go out with people anymore. I am so freaking unhappy with the world right now that I'm going to explode. I can't even laugh at myself as things fall more and more apart. My insomnia will be the death of me, I really want a good nights sleep thinking that will help cure me. I haven't slept more than 3 and a half hours a night in over 3 weeks, the past two days have been the worst, I've slept even less. Damn I need a miracle.
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| I have.... |
[19 May 2007|11:09pm] |
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A Broken Heart. I have no more love in me, I feel sad about it as well. My friend Bob past away of throat cancer and the wake was today and I was unaware of it until afterwards. I feel like shit right now, everything I've been doing that is positive no longer feels useful to me anymore. I am officially alone.
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[14 May 2007|01:27am] |
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My Classes are finally over and still I don't have time to update this bloody thing proper like, I miss you insanejournal.
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[11 Apr 2007|11:30pm] |
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I need a haircut, a cigarette, and something funny on comedy central!
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[11 Apr 2007|12:28am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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I really need a vacation, I'm burning out and quick.
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| GAH! |
[10 Feb 2007|11:31pm] |
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Everything that can go wrong does go wrong with my life, and to top it off I think my computer monitor dropped some acid. I have to spend the next few days fixing it, yay for that, NOT! Sometimes I wish Mary Jane and me were still friends. When September comes things will be better.
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| Ho Hum |
[28 Jan 2007|11:37am] |
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Been an interesting month. Started EMT school, got certified in CPR for the rescuer level, and managed to get a (temporary) second job to help pay the bills. I have work later today and I really don't want to go, the CPR course totally took everything I have outta my arms yesturday. After the CPR course I decided to cook a bunch of stuff so I won't starve this week, and I gotta remember to take any cans of soda I don't drink out of my car so they don't explode again. I cooked a bunch of bbq chicken, some egg salad, and some twice baked potatoes. After that it was good times getting myself drunk to make me happy. Called up Matt to chill out and rent a movie. We ended up getting Bullit and Killer Klowns from outter space after we picked up candy bars from cranky ass Caroline. Its gonna be a rough day tater. I can't wait until summer time, right about that time my life will suck a lot less.
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[09 Jan 2007|09:55pm] |
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Christ almighty we're already 9 days into 2007. Where the fuck did they go, in all honesty its more a blur than not. Started my second job at the bookstore and have to say its not going to be easy, but thats only because of the idiots they let into college and the dumbass workers at the other campus. I've been offered yet another job, this one requires I not get caught by police, so naturally I'm turning it down. I've been offered a condo to move into for $300 and all I pay is the electric bill. Normally I would take the condo but its fully furnished, has appliances, and I'm starting school/working two jobs with no time to get rid of/move my stuff. It's just odd having all this stuff put before me and I'm unable to take the offerings. I bought Layer Cake the book for $.74 today!!! I was rather happy with the find, it sorta fell into my lap while I was at the bookstore. PCBSD just released 1.3, awesome, now if I can just find the time to load it I'll be all set. I gotta remember to get my passport now that its the new year, I keep putting it off and now I really gotta do it. What a weird year so far.
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| Heres the deal |
[04 Jan 2007|12:05am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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I am in an extremely sour mood this evening. I am not at liberty to say why, but I assure you that the problem will be solved in a quick and painful matter.
On to better news, Jenn offered me a job working at the college bookstore to give me some extra money and help me with payments for my school books. These are going to be some of the longest months of my life, but I stand by my resolution.
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| Epiphany |
[27 Dec 2006|11:58pm] |
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I have come to the conclusion that 95% of my friends suck at life in the worst way possible. They don't know how to pick up the fucking phone and I've had it with every single one of these brain damaged fucks. I've given up on leaving messages saying call me back, its just to much backbreaking effort for everyone to hit redial. I'm not calling any of them anymore for anything whats so ever, if they want anything to do with me they can fucking give me a call. Meanwhile, I'll be looking for people who actually understand friendship doesn't mean I always pick up the motherfucking phone. Fuck you if your in that percentage.
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| Eh Fuck It |
[16 Dec 2006|01:53am] |
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I just typed out this really long update about what im doing with myself finally and what happened tonight. Instead I deleted it and postponed my big update because some people aren't out of school yet and I don't want them thinking weird shit when they should be studying. It's late, I'm going to bed.
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[13 Dec 2006|11:14pm] |
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The world really needs a Superman. Someone who can teach us to care about the important things again.
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| weightloss update |
[06 Dec 2006|06:09pm] |
One of the only positive things I have to say has just happened. I stepped onto the weight scale in the bathroom and noticed I was down to 215!
235-215 = 20 lbs lost since the start of september!
Yes this still makes me a fatty, but less of a fatty which I am proud of of.
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| What a way to wake up. |
[06 Dec 2006|10:12am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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So I wake up today to find out one of the people whom I hold dear to my heart has a deep dark secret, and damn if it isn't the best secret in the world! Its amazing when shit like this is simply stumbled upon.
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| Beer, the cause and solution to all my problems |
[26 Nov 2006|11:52pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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Beatles - Let it be |
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Did a staggering 6 hour shift at work handling over 550 packages per hour. Towards the end of my shift a co-worker of mine asked me for a ride home since the bus wasn't going to pick him up for another hour and he was also it's last stop. I said no problemo naturally since he busts his balls as much as I do and he also offered to buy me a beer after work. We get to the bar with 6 minutes left of the second quarter of the Pats game (yay!) and shoot the shit during half time while drinking. He's double my age and he decided to share with me the exact point in his life where he fucked up in such a way that he has yet to recover from it. I laughed at him because I sat back, absorbed what he said, and realized I did the exact same thing. It's a weird moment indeed when two people realize they've screwed their lives up, AND that they both did it the exact same way. We proceeded to order some burgers and skins to have with our beers and finish the game. The first game of the season either of us has been able to see and it was a great game to behold, turnovers at every turn, and the Pats winning. It's a small thing for everyone else at the bar to see the Pat's win another game, but for us it was nothing short of amazing. We are both so far in the gutter that the stars can't be seen, but when we get those glimpses, they mean so much more.
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| I see a bad moon rising. |
[20 Nov 2006|10:53pm] |
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At the rate my life is crumbling, I have this feeling I will not survive long enough to ring in the new year. To call myself negative right now is an understatement, do I care even remotely that my life is that bad off, fuck no, I gave up three heart attacks ago. So anywho, it just gets colder and darker outside and I have a freaking cold (third one this season) thats FINALLY going away. I think it'd be in everyones best interest if I just disappeared and never returned.
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[15 Nov 2006|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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I came here expecting to type a bloody shitload, and now I have nothing to say once I sat down. Damn.
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| Whats wrong you say? |
[07 Nov 2006|10:49pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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Offspring - Gone Away |
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Heres whats going on:
- The weather is fucking with my move, which needed to be done by tonight because they show the place to customers tommorow.
- The IRS is after me because of some paper work snafu at the home office.
- I didn't get the job promotion at work because someone came in with a better reason for the position then me.
- Psycho immature girls are the only females that I seem to be able to attract right now for some reason
- I'm back to fulltime smoking (big fucking mistake but it can't be helped), if I could somehow smoke in my sleep I think I would.
- I really need a break from work because my back is killing me.
Basically my life is a clusterfuck, I somehow feel regret for not moving back to AZ, and I really really don't want to deal with my fucking family for the holidays. My grandmothers 10th anniversary is this week, hard to beleave that when she was alive my life was even worse than it is now, leaving roses on her grave shows that I still care. Jeebus I need to go get another beer.
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| Happy Halloween |
[31 Oct 2006|05:17pm] |
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It's Halloween and tonight I lose my net connection for a week or so. I have so much more crap to do then be online right now its not even funny. I really really need a break of some kind.
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| FUCK |
[24 Oct 2006|08:05pm] |
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Today wasn't half bad, the load wasn't entirely overbearing, the HR guy was in and gave me info I thought I needed to compete for a promotion. Here's the problem, the info he gave me only applies to guys already in manager positions, and now I have to figure out how to adapt that to someone who has been working there 2 months in the fucking trucks. When I got home it got even better, I got a phone call from Jeremy telling me I won't be able to move in at the end of the month because his dad gave the crack addict a fucking extention! So now I'm kinda up shit creek, in theory his dad only gave him until the 5th, but that still puts a big ass dent on my plans (and money). For every positive action in my life, there is an opposite and negative OVER-reaction to follow.
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